Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here, I find my rest
Without You, I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour, I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour, I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand, I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour, I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
-Artist Matt Maher
Oh, how often I find myself crying out to the Lord, “Oh Lord, I need you.” Whether it is facing down big emotions, dealing with traffic or convincing myself to do one more thing. Sometimes, what I need is beyond what I am capable of, and I need God. Why is it so hard for us to admit that we need help? We, humans that is, are designed to need others. Look at a relationship with a child and their parents – there is no way that child will survive without a more responsible party to help them. We come into the world needing help and we leave the world needing help. Yet, somewhere along the way, we try to convince ourselves that we have it all together. That we don’t need any help, and why? What edge or advantage does not needing help give us. Sure, it might allow us to feel like we are independent, and it might allow us to embrace freedoms that we wouldn’t have in a relationship with others, but at some point, you will need someone. Everyone does.
In order to have someone in your life when you need them, we must work on our relationships with one another. Having relationships with other people is hard work. One of the first things that I noticed in my first year of marriage is that relationships and, in this case, the one to my husband is hard. I mean it is HARD and not many people will tell you that before you get married. Each day I have the chance to choose to love my husband well. That choice means that sometimes I need to carefully consider my thoughts, my actions, my speech, my facial expressions, and (sometimes it feels like) even the way I am breathing. Now before you start thinking ‘oh boy she must have a tough marriage / spouse.’ I don’t. I have what I would consider a wonderful marriage to an amazing man who cherishes me. It is that very man and his love for me that makes me want to love his so well in return. However, I know that in my nature, I can be a selfish person. In order then for me to love him well, it takes thought and care, it takes effort some days, and it takes me looking to God to ask for and discern the best thing to do next.
For example, the other day my husband didn’t respond to a question I asked him as we were getting ready for bed. Now I could have asked him again, I could have (knowing that he has some hearing loss) tapped him on the shoulder and asked him again. BUT did I, no. Instead, I got into bed and began wrestling with a completely made-up storyline about how he didn’t want to answer the question, and he never ……. (Fill in all the rest of the details of a story where nothing is true). At the bottom of it all, I was hurt, I felt that he was choosing not to answer me. I felt he was ignoring me. So, I went to God. Realizing that I had been about to slide down a very slippery slope into a place of bitterness against my husband. Something that I didn’t want. I knew that God could and would help if I would just ask. I asked and guess what? God showed up!
How? It started when I realized that I began to ask myself questions like; did I have all the details of what happened? Why didn’t I ask again, or tap him on the shoulder? Why would my husband do something like this, it seems out of character? God began to crack open my quickly-shelled heart by providing me space to reflect on my decisions, and my actions and ask myself some great questions. God showed up when I needed him because I called out for his help. I needed His grace to see the situation differently, I needed Him to help me from the temptation of taking my hurt feelings and mounting a case against my husband. I needed him because I wasn’t one anothering my husband well. In this one evening I had decided that my husband was against me, (which seems dramatic but) that is what I am doing when I think that he is ignoring me on purpose. And instead of going right to him about this hurt (which is biblical), by asking again or tapping on his shoulder, I turned away in hurt.
The next morning, I asked my husband the same question again, with what I thought was a very casual tone. (However, it probably still had a little sting to it.) To my surprise, my husband quickly, lovingly, and directly without hesitation answered the question. Then I asked him, “why didn’t you answer me last night when I asked you?” His reply was- “You didn’t ask me last night. OR if you did, I am sorry I must not have heard you.” Yup. Lesson Learned. Thank you, God.
It is easy for us in our relationships, both personal, professional, and human (meaning to acquaintances or strangers) to denigrate one another. To belittle, remove value from, fail to one another well toward each other. I mean I caught myself, blaming my husband, who cherishes me, for hurting me or belittling me, when he just didn’t hear me. It’s that quickly that we can enter a slippery slope. Therefore, we need Jesus. We need him to remind us of the value we have, to set our hearts and minds back on truth again. We need him to reorient us away from the actions that are hurtful to others and back to a place of being able to one another well. We need his grace in the place where we fall short. I think that is why I love this song, it reminds me “Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more. Where grace is found is where You are.” That God is always there to help. He is always right there for me and for you. Because no matter who you are- at some point you will need others, we learn from God with God how to care for those others well, so that when we need them, they will be there.
We also learn from God – that it is ok to trust someone. He is always there when we need him, He always shows up and always will. It might not be the way you think it will but He always shows up.